New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
