How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
