he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize