please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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