I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
