what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Small penises have feelings too.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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