Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She bit a glass in half.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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