You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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