i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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