I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize