Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
