For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
