you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
