ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
