Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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