I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
