once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
