Screwed.edu
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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