i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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