she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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