I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
