so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
