Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
