Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She announced her abortion via fbk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
