my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
