girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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