Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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