I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
