I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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