Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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