She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
