I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
