turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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