well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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