Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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