did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
