FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
