I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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