and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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