Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
