I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize