paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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