I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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