i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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