Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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