I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
