sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
