Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
