i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
