SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
