Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
