dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
