I will die if light touches me.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize