Umm I'm too high to move.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
