ya dads aren't the best wingmen
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
