He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
