Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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