Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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