You smell like a Billy Joel song
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have already put on my inside pants.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
