I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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