I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love accidental penises.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
