allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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