She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
