Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
