oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
