At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
