I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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