The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
