I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
