His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
