I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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