Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
