I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
