You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When are your genitals available?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
