So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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