How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
